Parental Guidance

I’ve always wanted to be a father. It’s a wish still yet to come true. I’ve started mulling over this since I was in high school. I had these silly thoughts running in my mind like how I would have brought the topic with my ex(s). But I wasn’t prepared to hear them screaming “We’re not married, we’re in school, you don’t have a job, you can’t even bring me to an expensive place, and you want a baby?!?” (slap!)

I also thought; what if I’d just go ahead, say get drunk, pretending it was unplanned but actually was, and just deal with it later. Sounds alright, but I realized how selfish that could be. I have sisters and I want some good karma on them brought about by my, ehem, good actions. Aside from being suplado, I never really wanted to do things to girls that I don’t want my beloved sisters to experience.

And I got scared thinking about diapers. I don’t mind carrying babies in diapers, but changing diapers? I’m not ready. I remember looking after my still crawling niece a few years back, I almost perfectly handled the bottle feeding, swaying, making funny faces and sounds, but when it was time to change that thing, I ran next door and begged a grandma neighbor to do it.

I see young parents doing groceries and often debating which diaper to buy. One would often insist that they get the least expensive. Uh, I ain’t gonna let my baby suffer from using cheap diapers, I’d probably get the most expensive one. That’s another problem. Add to the expenses: milk, clothes, and other baby stuff I don’t even know. I want to raise a baby in full luxury and I am definitely not financially ready.

But I get envious seeing young, happy (happy?) fathers, especially young, unmarried fathers. I always wonder how they were able to get through it all, their parents, their kid’s mother’s parents and all. If it happened to me, my conservative mother would have cried a river and my strict father would have shot me, and not to mention the possibility of getting married, which would have absolutely been a big no. Not without a million in my bank account, not without a house, not without a car, not without a stable job.

Happy father’s day to my dad, and to all fathers out there!
Cheers!