Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Motherless Generation?

Six years ago, my sister left the country to work abroad. That's first for our family, thus the adjustment was a little hard at first. Her then three year old daughter was so angry when she later on found out that her mom "left her". The first phone calls were tough; she didn't want to get near the phone.

After years of waiting, my sister finally gained a Canadian citizenship and brought her family with her. I think it would be better for my niece, being a girl, to grow up with her mom.



I was browsing a copy of Time magazine at National Bookstore yesterday, when i stumbled on this:


It's an article about the increasing number of women, or Filipino mothers who are working as OCW's, leaving their kids behind.

“Children with homes to call their own are also struggling. According to a new UNICEF study, Filipino teenagers with one or both parents abroad, though they do better in school and have more allowance money, said they felt they were worse off — particularly when it came to their future — than peers with both parents living at home. Past studies have also shown that children with mothers abroad report feeling less happy than those with fathers abroad. "One parent can a do good job, but that doesn't happen a lot," says Dr. Esperanza A. Icasas-Cabral, the Secretary of the Department of Social Welfare and Development. "The social cost is great." But no government data exists for tracking the social progress of migrants' children, and that, social workers say, is a problem when millions of kids are thought to be at high risk for early pregnancy, incest, drug abuse and depression. Manila police, for instance, say that children with parents overseas are more exposed to violent crime, particularly rape and physical assault. "There are no parents watching," says Manila Police Officer Dolores Villegas.”


This reminds me of a friend whose parents are working abroad too. He was basically parentless for years, but never tried drugs nor has gotten into serious trouble. He has a sister, and they both finished college, without having to deal with issues like these. Although it is tough growing up without his parents around, he believes that their absence does not justify such actions.

I never really experienced growing without a mother beside me, so I guess I have no right to either agree or disagree. I believe though that the presence of a parent is very important especially at the stage of puberty. We need their advice; things that make us feel loved. But do you think, family values can only be acquired at home, with a parent?

17 comments:

reyna elena said...

mahirap talaga pag wala ang parents. at least in my case, my parents moved to the US right after i finished college kaya di na pansin masyado because i was already working. it must really be tough on kids because the more they need you know the kalinga and everything

Ambo said...

Speaking of family values, kahit wala naman yung parents pwede naman turuan yung bata pero iba pa din kapag anjan ang parents na kasama mo while growing up. Mas masarap kasama ang parents kasi andun yung closeness. Namiss ko tuloy Dad ko sa post mo. Tagal na nya kaming iniwan. 8 years ago he died of heart attack. Napaniginipan ko pa sya kagabi teaching me how to ride a bike. So sad Brother. ;-(

TheScud said...

in a few years ganyan din mangyayari sa niece ko. magiging OFWs ang parents nya. buti na lang andyan pa ang parents ko and some relatives to help.

Reyn said...

I've experienced several days na nawala sa parents ko, and somehow iba rin pala yung feeling pag wala sila. Kasi medyo Papa's/Mama's boy pa naman ako..hehe, being the youngest in the family.



Welcome back, Ely.

Abou said...

i feel so lucky nasa bahay lang nanay ko.

Ely said...

reyna elena, hirap nga talaga pag bata. Pamangkin ko nun, halatang malungkot, ayaw pinag-uusapan mom niya.
Down pa rin site mo ah.


ambo, sorry to hear that. iba pa rin talaga pag kasama parents, although nung bata ako, mas gusto ko malayo. hehe..


thescud, for sure magiging close ang bata sa mga grand parents niya. at sayo na rin..


reyn, nako, mas mahirap nga pag papa's/mama's boy. Ung pamangkin ko, naging papa's girl tuloy. :)


Abou, me too...

bulitas said...

my mother has been working abroad since i was 1.
i only see her once in a blue moon. and yes, her absence made such a big impact on our lives that i've only realized lately. somehow, she made me feel as if there was this hole in me that i will forever long to be filled.

ced said...

we're lucky that we have our both our parents are with us and guiding us. kahit lagi nila tayong pinapagalitan at pinapalo nuon mas maappreciate mo un paglaki mo.

i'm not saying unlucky yung iba, kasi hindi ko nararanasan ung pinagdadaanan nila. pero having someone to look up to really helps.

ang drama ko na. hehe

wb ely!

Ely said...

bulitas, di ko na tuloy alam kung pano replyan comment mo. :)


ced, same here. ganun naman lagi, paglaki na lang naten saka narerealize. hehe

Jake said...

nung ipinanganak ako nasa abroad ang tatay ko. hanggang nakatapos ako ng college palagi s'ya nasa abroad. kasama pa nga ang nanay ko nung college ako, but it was not an issue to me, sakripisyo nila yun para mabigyan kami ng magandang kinabukasan.

76 at 75 na ang parents ko ngayon. gusto nilang pumunta ako dito. iniwan ko naman ang career ko sa pilipinas para makasama sila dito sa amerika. wala sa kalahati ng kinikita ko sa pilipinas ang kinikita ko sa mababang posisyon ko sa trabaho ko ngayon. pero ayokong sabihing sakripisyo ko ito, mahal ko ang magulang ko, nauunawaan ko ang mga ginawa at ginagawa nila para sa aming pamilya.

bata pa ang pamangkin mo, dapat may magpaliwanag sa kanya ng sitwasyon, at ikaw yun, :)

Abaniko said...

It's tough for most kids who are left by a parent or both parents to work abroad. This is especially true if the extended family ties are not strong. Kids need constant guidance and moral support which absent parents cannot immediately provide.

Ely said...

Jake, bibihira lang ang mga katulad mo na nakakaintindi sa mga ginawang sakripisyo ng mga magulang. Yung iba kasi wala silang iba inisip kundi ung "iniwan sila". Tapos magulang pa nila ang sinisisi nila.

Hopefully marealize din yun ng pamangkin ko.


Abaniko, sabagay, kahit may magandang substitute sa absence ng parents, iba pa rin nga talaga ung sariling magulang mismo ang nagbibigay ng guidance.

KRIS JASPER said...

I actually grew up with both of my parents away (in abroad) and I was in Pinas.

Yeah, money/comfort was good... But I envied my classmates everytime there was a parents meeting. well, for obvious reasons...

Ely said...

Kris Jasper, like what Ced said, i don't know if we should feel lucky that we grew up with our parents around. Malayo man o malapit, i think mahal pa rin tau ng mga parents naten. :)

Rio said...

maisip sana ng mga anak ng OFW na para sa kapakanan nila ang ginagawa ng kanilang mga magulang...wala naman atang magulang ang gustong mapalayo sa mga anak.

pero mahirap tlga ang buhay na malayo sa magulang..={

JoShMaRie said...

nice post! mahirap talag akapag wala ang nanay. isa pang pinkamalalang effect ng pag-aabroad ng nanay eh yung kaso ng incest. dahil wala ang nanay, "inaasawa" ng tatay ang anak na babae. and that's sad and terrible.

r-yo said...

it's sad that many families have to make compromises just to survive. but i hope that this generation will take it upon themselves to rise to the challenge. growing up motherless or parentless, for that matter, is never an excuse to screw their lives.